He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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