Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
