im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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