why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
