Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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