...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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