So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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