we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
