i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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