When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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