1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
