so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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