just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
