I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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