My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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