Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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