you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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