Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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