Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
