I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
