I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
