I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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