when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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