Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
