she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
