if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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