Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
