Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
