As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
