You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
