Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
