we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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