Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
