Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
