I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
