I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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