your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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