I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
