The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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