Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Randomize
