What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
