i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
