Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
