you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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