Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
