fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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