He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is wine microwaveable?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
