I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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