We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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