How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
