Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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