At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
