Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
