i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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