you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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