i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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