what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Are my feet made of real feet?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
