You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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