WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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