Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
