Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
