So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
