who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
