i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
