I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
