im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
