At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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