Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize