i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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