Are we in a gay sports bar?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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