i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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